Monogamy

I don't want to date. I just want Princess Charming to show up and sweep me off my feet. I will know when I see her - she will have that Disney Princess sparkle in her eyes and her smile will stop me in my tracks. (The tiny waist and giant boobs are a bonus.) She won't want anyone but me...and maybe she will sing like Amy Adams in Enchanted.

Dating is like parking downtown on a Friday night. You drive around aimlessly for45 minutes searching for a spot. You pass an empty spot, circle the block and its gone when you get back. You see another great spot only one block from the bar but its a one-way street and you can't turn down there. You finally pull up on a spot. Its six blocks from the bar and you're wearing four-inch heels. Whatever, its finally a spot. After trying every paralleling parking technique you learned in driving school, you can't fit in this spot to save your life. You give up. You go home. You hate parking. You realize its just like dating. Now you hate dating.

I don't want to drive around all night, pass a million spots that I inevitability can't park in, give up and go home. I want to believe there's someone who is the total package: one block from the bar, on the right side of the road, on a two-way street, with enough room for a mid-size SUV to shimmy in there and still there when I get back around the block.